All you need is LOVE.

The Beatles’ song compels a whimsical idea of love. Is it really true that love is all you need?

I certainly believe in the idea of love over fear and the importance of self-love, and I have made many great leaps of faith to do what I love.

The problem with the idea that love is all we need is that it can get muddled with our concepts of love.

There are many types of love and our relationship to it. Many people think of love as something they get from others, that it is limited in supply, and that love only happens if I do XYZ. It becomes an act of having to do something in order to get it.

Doing it out of fear versus choosing to act out of love. Guilt, shame, blame and manipulation are all acts of fear. Many of us learned that in childhood.

If you think of love as unconditional support for who you are and all you do, then you don’t have to do anything. You get to show up fully as you are.

You take loving actions because that is what you feel compelled to do. It is no longer a trade-off saying, “If you do this, then I do that.” The action comes without expectations.

I know my view of love has changed over the years. It used to be entangled with fear; the biggest fear was losing people and being alone. That had me showing up in a self-sacrificing, people-pleasing way, which is not all bad for the right people but dangerous with the wrong ones. It was not loving to leave myself out of the equation.

Many of the women I have worked with continuously accept (not attract) abusive, narcissistic men. Their idea of love is part of an old story. The song would be LOVE HURTS -by Nazareth. The fear of being alone keeps them with these individuals. This is not love; love does not intentionally hurt you, make you feel bad about yourself, or make you feel like something is wrong with you. If you are feeling this way in a relationship, it is time to redefine love.

You might need to start with Miley Cyrus’ song I can buy myself flowers. Or I miss me more by Kelsea Ballerini. I am not saying you need to say-
I don’t need anyone; on the contrary. It is about saying I’m ok with who I am and taking care of my needs, and I don’t need to lose myself to receive love.

Many on this journey of life have learned what love is not. If love is all you need, then make sure you are clear on what love is.

I would say the first step of this journey of love would be to know who you are—the next step is never to accept anything that demeans, disrespects, or diminishes you. If you have to lose yourself to be with someone or in a situation, that is not a sign of love.

If you get to be who you are, you feel free to express yourself and are treated with respect; you are on the right track to love.

Let love guide the choices you make toward a happy and authentic life.