This morning I sit here in contemplation and the gift-yes gift of my face being half paralyzed.

Last year, a live blood analysis told me I had Lymes disease and Ebstein barr virus. I didn’t give it much thought as I believe in the body’s healing ability; almost a year after being told, a medical intuitive told me the same thing. I remember being annoyed and angry that it was still there. I pride myself on being someone who doesn’t get sick. If I do, it doesn’t last long.

Being told a second time I decided to take it a bit more seriously. I worked on compassion for myself; it made me understand my struggles over the past few years. However, truth be told, I was frustrated. I wanted to do everything I used to and saw this as a serious inconvenience.

Last Thursday, I came into the house after being with the horses for my first Zoom call. As I sat on the call, I noticed my mouth felt numb, like when the dentist freezes it. I ran to the bathroom partway through the call, seeing that if I smiled, only 1/2 of my face worked, and only one eye would blink.

After many hours of contemplation and being reasonably sure it wasn’t a stroke, I drove to emergency. FYI, I don’t need lectures here; I’ve already had plenty.  

Some of my friends have called me the queen of resiliency. It is because of how I choose to think about moments of adversity. I won’t deny that I go to the much-needed place of feeling sorry for myself, sad, angry, and all the feels. After I have moved through the emotions, I move on and look at the gift of the experience. I remind myself that life is happening for me, not to me. So why do I think Belles palsy happened for me?

I had returned to a familiar pattern of not liking what I saw in the mirror or camera or…. The changes that happened during my stint with Lymes (affecting my thyroid, weight, brain and mobility) took a notch out of my self-esteem.

Many women have been taught the definition of beauty, it is external, and very few feel like they measure up.

The meaning of BELLE is a popular and attractive girl or woman, especially a girl or woman whose charm and beauty make her a favourite.

Maybe my soul had enough of this Belle crap -The definition got on my nerves 🙂

Yesterday, I went to the mirror and saw my face, and instead of feeling horror, I laughed. I laughed at the idea that I could be anything less than my beautiful self just because of this. I laughed at how preposterous it is that society’s idea of being a Belle has kept me feeling less than for so many years.

I felt my heart and soul shine with so much self-love. And there it is the gift of SELF-LOVE. I have known this is the key to the life I have desired for a long time.

My journey with boundaries this month has been a life-changing one. I held a sacred boundaries course at the ranch. Eight women explored the idea of being sacred, as our bodies and lives are sacred containers. Now that’s my idea of beautiful 🙂

It’s time we, as women, redefine what makes us beautiful and celebrate our sacredness!